Ace Card

On the way to the specialist I was relieved to see a few Italian exotics in the car park under the doctors only signs.

The waiting room decor made me worry a bit, felt like I was sitting in some bad curry joint on the outskirts of a big city.
That time spent sitting in a purple velvet seat shaped liked female genitalia, made me realize my logic that the type of car is exponentially proportional to the surgeons skill, is seriously flawed.

If some retard who qualified from the Uganda Skool of Medicine, arrives at the job interview for a surgeon with his uncle, who just generously paid for the hospital new wing. My guess is he will get the job plus the prime parking spot for his birthday present from mum.

I saw the specialist and its amazing how much peripheral information you take in to try and figure the guy out, any strange photos of him with a head band, camo gear? No religious icons? anyone who relies on faith rather than skill to patch people up is always a little bit off. Room is a messy though, same as inside his head?

After seeing the scans, lots of teeth sucking like plumbers do before an outrageous estimate. Out popped the compulsory Fisher Price anatomy of the head set, he was explaining all the bits and he told me the tumour looks like an acoustic neuroma.

If I was an American I would have been up on my feet, making whooping noises and twirling my fist in the air. I was busy at home the night before doing my research, there was one ace card, a non cancerous tumour and this was it.

Whether or not pole dancers are suitable for my funeral is no longer an issue.

Acoustic neuromas are benign growths, its still a tumour, its still in your skull, but I can now say I have a non cancerous growth in my inner ear.

As it was beyond the scope of the Ear Nose and Throat specialist I was sent off to meet the neurosurgeon.

This time the rooms was very slick modern, smelt nice had upmarket magazines in the rack. This was more promising, as rich mummy's boy Dr. Uganda may have the job but his magazine collection would be all Retard Monthly.

Doc came in, awful as this sound but he had a reassuring British accent, once in the room, very zen, nice original painting on the wall, everything in its place. Out came the fisher price head but this time its no made in China knockoff, this skull was the real deal, at least I know I am in a better position now than the poor bugger whose head we are juggling around, I asked if it was one of his patients, apparently not it came from India and real skulls are no longer sold.

The bottom line, it may not be life threatening now, but it will be if left unchecked, it has to come out. This means cutting a hole in my head and rummaging around like a lucky dip pot.